One Moment In Time
by Mrs.AddieMontgomeryShepherd
Summary: "In hospitals they say you know. You know you're going to die. And when it's going to happen, you do. Time seems to slow down around you until it just...stops. You can't move either, you're anchored to this one precious moment in time; when everything seems to be in abeyance." -AddisonCentric-
1. One Moment In Time

**Author's Note: I was asking myself - what if Addison had been the girl with the bomb in Season 2?**

**Disclaimer: If I'd own Grey's Anatomy, then Addek would still be Addek. So it's all Shonda Rhimes's. Also I used a bit of Meredith's voice-over from "It's the end of the world" and "As we know it".**

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**One Moment In Time**

_In hospitals they say you know. You know you're going to die. And when it's going to happen, you do._

_Time seems to slow down around you until it just...stops. You can't move either, you're anchored to this one precious moment in time; when everything seems to be in abeyance._

This is not how it was supposed to turn out, with her hand on a bomb.

Addison Shepherd should have never entered this particular wing in the first place.

Except she did, because she just couldn't stand it anymore.

The bomb squad didn't have any news for those waiting for their heroes to get out of the ORs alive, but she needed to know that her husband wasn't pink mist already.

And she had to know _now._

Leaving Miranda Bailey in George O'Malley's care, she sneaked out of the maternity wing and took the stairs to the abandoned surgery wing.

Deathly silence greeted her once she emerged the staircase, giving the ward a ghostly atmosphere.

The only noises lingering where her flat breathing and hasty steps as she went down the floor.

But Addison never made it to Derek's OR.

Instead something made her stop at the door leading into Burke's OR, straight to the patient with the bomb and a paramedic's hand inside of his body.

As the attending looked through the door's window, she was sure that her heart just skipped a beat only to pump on double speed.

Because the girl with the bomb wasn't some paramedic.

It was Meredith Grey, sweating and slightly trembling.

"Damn.", Addison hissed and scrubbed in.

She had never been part of the Grey-fanclub, but Meredith was a damn good intern. A colleague. Part of the hospital-family.

And she wouldn't die in this OR because she was holding a bomb; not if Addison could prevent it.

Burke slowly turned his head as she approached the table.

"Addison? What – You -You shouldn't be here."

But Addison ignored him, raising her eyebrows at a surprised Meredith, challenging her to say something.

The intern swallowed.

"Dr. Burke is right, Dr. Shepherd. You shouldn't be here."

"Neither should you." There weren't any emotions in her voice that could betray her feelings. To the doctors in this OR, she seemed like her professional self and that was the way she wanted it.

"Yeah, but I'm the one touching a bomb. What's your excuse?"

"My husband is in the OR next to this one."

"Then shouldn't you be with him?"

Addison half-smiled. "That was the reason I came. But then I saw you in here, scared and trembling. And I suppose I had an epiphany: You shouldn't be the one holding a bomb."

The attending slowly walked around the table until she stood right next to Meredith. Gently, she slid her hand under the intern's, until her fingertips touched the bomb.

"Let go. I've got it."

Bewilderment but also relief swam in Meredith's eyes as she let go of the bomb.

"Why did you do that?", she asked, her voice just above a whisper.

Addison shook her head, a sad smile gracing her feature.

"You don't get it, do you? Well, for one – I didn't do it for you, Meredith. I did it for Derek. My husband... my husband is still in love with you. He chose me, yes, but for the wrong reasons. So I'm the one that's choosing now. Because if that bomb goes off and you die? He'd never forgive himself. And that's something I don't want him to go through. So, I'm choosing the bomb. If I die, he'll always have you. So please. Go."

Meredith looked at her for a long moment, until she finally stepped away from the table. Understanding.

As Addison watched the intern leave, the significance of her actions sunk in.

_What have I done?_, she thought as time seemed to be drawn-out, becoming slower and slower...

...until she sucked in as much air as her lungs could hold, let her eyelids flutter closed and everything around her stopped in that precious moment in time where everything is still in abeyance.

Memories, safely locked away in a tiny little box and not being remembered for years, broke through.

"_Wow, that was... incredible."_

"_You weren't bad yourself." The smile he graces her with can only be described as dreamy and if love on first sight exists then she might have just fallen for him._

"_I'm Derek, by the way. Derek Shepherd." _

_They shake hands over their cadaver and she says: "It's a pleasure to meet you, Derek. I'm Addison Montgomery."_

"_Well, Addison – you up for a coffee sometime?"_

"_Morning, Adds!"_

_She groans and buries her head under her pillow. Sometimes she hates herself for offering her male best friend to crash at her place when Mark is following his career as a man-whore._

"_Don't call me that. And stop being perky."_

"_Ah, someone's grumpy."_

_She feels Derek sitting down next to her._

_A second later, she's pillow-less, but has his face hovering over hers._

"_Hi.", he says and she can't help but smile. _

"_Hi yourself."_

"_You and I are friends, Addie.", Naomi says, "But you and Derek? Nope."_

_Addison stops following the raindrops rolling down the window with her eyes and focuses on Nae._

"_Then what are we?"_

_Naomi shrugs. "Forget about that stupid fight you two had and go ask him."_

_And Addison does, before Nae can advice her to wait until the storm is over, which leads to her standing completely soaked in front of Derek's door._

"_Addison?"_

"_Derek." Crap, now she's crying, too. "I'm sorry, okay? I just can't go on like this. This thing between you and me is not a friendship. What are we, Derek?"_

_He takes her hand and tugs her closer until they breathe the same air. Then, he kisses her._

"_That answering your question, Addie?"_

"_It's Thanksgiving, Derek. People are supposed to have turkey for Thanksgiving, not Chinese take-out."_

"_Yeah, but you love Chinese take-out."_

"_True.", she smiles, "This, though, tastes like crap."_

"_Seriously, you shouldn't have come over, Derek. I-", she sneezes, "I haven't showered in two days, my hair is tangled, I'm a hotbed for bacteria and-"_

"_Marry me."_

"_I – what?"_

_He goes down on one knee and presents her a beautiful engagement ring._

"_I've wanted to ask you for quite a while now. But I think now is the right time, because... In sickness and in health, right? I want to be around you for the rest of my life, whether you're sick or healthy._

_I want forever with you. Addie, will you marry me?"_

_She sinks down onto the floor and hugs him._

"_If that's one of those fever-dreams then I don't want to wake up. Ever."_

"_So, it's a yes?"_

"_Yes!"_

_She leans into him; her dress rustling quietly._

_Together, they watch the wedding reception._

_Addison smiles and kisses his jaw._

"_Say it again."_

"_You and me, Addie. From everyday until eternity."_

Addison's eyes fluttered open.

She felt tears streaming down her face, but she wasn't trembling.

Just crying silently; something she sadly has perfected back in New York.

She was just a little bit too aware of time's tricks; she could basically feel it gathering up speed.

"Grey.", she called out to Meredith, who was just about to leave. "There's something I need you to tell Derek."

Meredith nodded, signaling that she was listing.

"Tell him... tell him that I wish eternity would have lasted just a little bit longer."

_If you knew this was your last day on earth, how would you want to spend it?_

_What's the one thing you've always dreamed of doing before you die?_

_Because everything seems to be in abeyance for just so long... but eventually, it all starts to fall down._

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**_Author's Note: Currently an One-Shot but if you're up for it - then there could be a second chapter._**


	2. Last A Little Longer

**Author's Note: Wow - thank you so, so much for all those reviews! You guys - and girls - are awesome.**

**Now, in the voice-overs at the beginning and the end, I used parts of "Breathe (2AM)" by Anna Nalick and "Losing your memory" by Ryan Star**

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**Last A Little Longer**

_In the end, when we realize that life is like an hourglass, glued to the table, we also realize that once our time slipped like sand through our fingers, it's all over. _

_No one can turn the glass around again. There is no rewind button to push._

_So when it all eventually starts to end, we remember all the dreams of life we once had._

_And all we want is to stay; hold onto life, keep the dreams in us; hoping that they will come true someday._

"Hand me the phone, Stevens."

"Chief, you just had..."

"Hand. Me. The. Godforsaken. PHONE!"

Adele cleared her throat and trained her eyes on her husband.

"Richard, listen to Dr. Stevens. You're not helping anybody if you drop dead today. Be calm and let others handle this."

Richard Webber sighed. " A patient has live ammo in his body; my Head Of Neuro is in the OR next door, operating my favorite resident's husband. Also, my Attending Cardiac Surgeon just called to tell me that Addison Shepherd – my _star_ – decided to play heroine and possibly save Meredith Grey's life by switching places with her. On top of that I just found out that the main oxygen line is located under Dr. Burke's OR. So if that bomb goes off, the whole hospital _will_ blow up. I'm very aware that I should be on bed rest and that I should be calm, but I _can't_. I'm the chief. This is _my_ hospital and _my _people are in danger. So hand me the damn phone, Stevens! I need to talk to the bomb squad NOW!"

Hesitant, Izzie handed him the phone and retreated from the room to give the chief a bit privacy.

Outside, she all but ran into Alex, who was lurking just in front of the chief's door, probably feeling as useless as the blonde.

"Is it true what the nurses are saying?", he asked, "Is the She-Shepherd seriously touching that freakin' bomb?"

"According to the chief and Dr. Burke – yes. She switched places with Meredith."

"Why would anybody do that?"

_Why did I do that? Why did I do that?_

Looking at the clock on the OR's wall; being thankful for every second that passed without her getting blown up, Addison kept asking herself this question.

_Why did I do that?_

It was ridiculous, really; standing in this OR, counting what could be the last seconds of her life.

And for God's sake, she was a _surgeon_. A world-class neonatal surgeon – there shouldn't even be a bomb _near_ her.

_Why did I do that?_

She had never thought she'd die like this. Not even in her worst nightmare.

"Did you know that in New York, about 1044 people die every year because of traffic accidents?", Addison asked, finally looking away from the clock and at Burke, "I always thought that perhaps, I'd be one of those people one day. But I lived for a third of my adult life in New York – and I came never close to dying. Now, I haven't even been in Seattle for a year, but I'm touching ammo. Great. Just great."

The cardiac surgeon eyed his red haired colleague. On the outside, Addison Shepherd seemed calm.

He didn't know much about her, so he couldn't possibly say what she was feeling inside.

Looking at the woman who seemed to have it all – a career, a husband, money – he couldn't help but ask: "Why did you do it?"

A sad smile graced Addison's features. Suddenly, she had an answer to the question that kept haunting her.

"When it comes down to it, my husband wouldn't chose me. Not for the right reasons, anyway. So, I took it upon myself to choose. "

That was when the door got opened and Dylan, the leader of the bomb squad, came in.

"Dr. Burke.", he said. "Do you have a minute?"

"Sure. Excuse me."

Burke walked over to Dylan who seemed to explain something in a hushed voice.

During his explanation, both men kept looking at her with _that _ look.

"Stop it.", Addison said, "Stop giving me _the look_."

"What look?"

"The one reserved for the patients that are about to die. I'm not a patient. Just rip the band-aid off and tell me. It can't get worse, right?"

Dylan sighed. "The hospital's main oxygen-line is right under this OR."

"Okay... Not okay. Does it mean what I think it does? Because I think that if we operate and the bomb goes off, not only we will be blown up but the entire hospital, too."

Burke stepped away from Dylan and into Addison's direction.

"It just means that we have to move."

"We have to … _seriously_, Preston? I can't even wiggle my fingers and we have to move."

Burke came as close to the table as he could without grazing it and looked directly into her eyes.

"Can you handle this, Addison?"

For the length of a slow deep breath, she closed her eyes.

No, she wanted to say, I can't. I don't want to die.

But all she could think about was Derek.

Still Derek.

He had to leave this wing alive.

For him, there should be a happily ever after... even if it wasn't with her.

And if she was the price his happiness, then that was okay with her.

"Yes.", she said. "Yes."

Meredith sighed and got back onto her feet. For the last hour, she had been sitting on the floor next to the entrance of Derek Shepherd's OR; disputing with herself.

Because really, how do you tell the love of your life that his wife decided to switch places with you and was now holding live ammo?

She didn't have some great speech; no, she didn't even have a single clue how to break those news.

But time was running out for Addison; maybe for all of them. The least she could do was to convey his wife's last words to Derek.

_I wish eternity would have lasted just a little bit longer._

Meredith sighed again and opened the door to Derek's OR.

Cristina was the first to react to her sudden appearance.

"Mere?", she said surprised; causing Derek to look up as well. Seeing his ex-girlfriend, he smiled tenderly, relieved that her brush with death had just been that. A brush.

"Meredith.", he breathed, "Are you okay? Is the bomb removed?"

"Yes.", Meredith answered, "And no. The bomb squad is still trying to find a way to remove it without blowing us all up. "

Derek raised his eyebrows. "So the bomb is still inside the patient. But if you're here then... who's preventing that guy from bleeding out?"

Meredith ignored the question and stepped closer to the table, working hard to not lose eye contact.

"Your wife sent me.", she said urgently, "She wants me to tell you something."

He frowned "Why didn't she call and told me herself whatever it is that is so 'important'?"

Meredith shook her head and took a deep breath. "No, Derek, you don't understand. Your wife _sent me_.

Addison is in Burke's OR; preventing that guy from bleeding out. Right now."

Suddenly, it was quiet in the OR, except for the beeping and pumping of the machines that kept Tucker Jones alive.

Then, the clanking of metal hitting the floor breached the anxious silence.

His scalpel had fallen down, which caused everyone to shift their gaze from a round-eyed, apologetic looking Meredith to a pale Derek.

"No.", he whispered, shaking his head. "No. This is some kind of a bad joke, right? Meredith... please tell me that Addie is still with . Please."

But Meredith remained silent.

"It can't be...", he murmured, refusing to believe what his ex-girlfriend had said. For his sanity, he needed to believe that Addison, who had been his anchor for so many years and still was even though currently he wasn't very fond of her, was somewhere safe and far far away from this wing.

Meredith reached for him and he looked into her soft blue eyes; so different from Addison's.

"I wish eternity would have lasted just a little bit longer. That's what she said."

Confusion rose in Derek. If that was Addison's wish, then why would she...

In the corner of his eyes he saw movement outside of his OR.

Flaming red hair peeking out from under a very familiar scrub-cap.

And suddenly, something Addison had said years ago came rushing back to him.

_For you, I would do just about everything. I want you to be happy._

"You two.", he said, pointing at Meredith and Cristina, "Keep him stable."

With that, he dashed out of the OR.

"Addie!"

Hearing her husband saying her nickname made Addison tense. She looked up and her heart beat twice as fast. There he was, right in front of her – to close to the bomb, to far away from her.

As her eyes met his, he could see that she had been crying. And he hadn't been there to make it better... hadn't been there for a long time. In this moment, he hated himself like he never had before for being absent, flaunting Meredith around and hurting Addison over and over again; trying to get back at her and forgetting that she could take only so much. She had always been there; his solid ground, his anchor. And now she could be gone from one second to the next. It wasn't fair. It wasn't fair at all.

"Sir.", Dylan said, "You have to leave for your own safety."

"No, I won't."

"Derek.", Addison sighed, "Please listen to him. Go."

Derek shook his head. "I won't leave you alone, Addie."

"Yeah, and _I_ don't want _you_ to be blown up. I'm a big girl. I think I can handle..."

The gurney stopped abruptly.

For a moment, everyone hold their breath.

Waiting.

Waiting for the inevitable to come.

But the bomb didn't go off.

The only thing that went off was the alarm inside Derek's OR.

Tucker Jones was coding.

"Go!", Addison said, tears swimming in her eyes, "Go and save Bailey's husband."

For a fleeting moment, he leaned into her and breathed her scent in.

He kissed her temple and murmured:"You and me, Addie. From everyday until eternity. It's a promise."

One single tear ran down her cheek. "How can you promise something we have broken so long ago?"

"Okay, Addison.", Dylan said after he watched Derek going back into his OR, "We have to move. Slow steps."

Addison nodded. "Walk me through the plan again."

"When we reach the OR, Dr. Burke will already be in place. My team is in place, too. You will pull the bomb out. Slowly. And you have to keep it level. Do you understand?"

"Yes. Pull it out, keep it level. Slowly."

"Right.", Dylan gestured in the direction of the OR's open door. "See? We're there. You'll have your hand back in no time."

Burke smiled reassuringly at her when he asked: "Are you ready?"

Addison snorted. "Do I have a choice?"

"Then I'm going to make the incision now."

"No – wait! This is crazy. You could die. Preston, you have to go. Someone has to make sure that Mark knows how sorry I am. He has to know that I never wanted to break up his' and Derek's friendship. And Derek... please tell him that I never stopped loving him."

Dylan positioned himself across from her.

"Addison. I promise no one is going to die in this OR, okay? You have to trust me on this. I know it's hard trusting a complete stranger, especially someone who wasn't very nice to you over the last hour. Just pretend I'm someone close to you. But listen to me."

Addison closed her eyes and let every noise in the OR fade out, until the only thing she could hear was her own breath.

As she opened her eyes, Derek stood in front of her.

"I'm sorry.", she whispered, "I was so stupid and now you never will know how sorry I am because I'm going to die. I don't want to die."

"I know.", Derek said, smiling a sad version of his McDreamy smile, "But you won't die, Addie. Just pull the ammo out. Keep it level, okay?"

"Yes."

And she did.

Addison slowly pulled her hand out of the patient; in it the bomb.

As she looked back up, Derek was gone and Dylan said: "Good. Now, hand it to me... Yeah, just like that.", he smiled, "You did great, Addison."

He started to leave and for a split second, the red head just watched him.

Thankful to be alive.

Then, driven by the feeling that Dylan needed to know just how thankful she was, she followed him.

She had only taken a few steps into the floor as the bomb went off.

Right in front of her eyes, Dylan turned into pink mist.

Addison was thrown back, hitting the ground full force.

Pain seeped into every fiber of her being, numbing her.

As blood started to cloud her vision and she felt herself blacking out, the only thought she had was:

_Derek..._

_For you,_ _I would have died. _

_You,_ _I would have loved _… _all my life._

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**Author's Note: Thoughts? Wishes? Anything?**


	3. The Way That We Love

**Author's Note: Thank you again for the awesome reviews!**

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**The Way That We Love**

_I have only ever loved like it's forever as it's the only way I know._

_I never cared about the future and I think I haven't learned much from past mistakes._

_For me, it has always been the here and now._

Derek kept shooting glances in the elevator's direction.

Where the hell was Addison?

He knew that the bomb had gone off earlier today, but the bomb squad had said that neither the doctors nor the patient had died because of it.

Derek thought that maybe, he had just missed her. There had been complications in his OR after all.

Addison probably hadn't been on the floor as the bomb went off.

Yeah, maybe she was just checking on her patients...

In his peripheral vision, he could see George O'Malley approaching the nurses' station.

If Derek remembered correctly, the intern had worked with Addison today.

"O'Malley.", he said, "Where is she?"

"Uhm..." George stammered, "Over there?" He pointed at Meredith who was leaving an exam-room just then.

"Exceptionally not her.", Izzie, who had come up behind George and heard the last part, whispered, "Meredith said he didn't even look at her once he knew his wife was in danger. Apparently Bailey's husband almost died because he had to go see Addison."

"Seriously?"

"Seriously. You know, I think he still loves her more then everybody thought he did. And even though we're Meredith friends and therefore should wish the Shepherds would end it... I hope they make it."

The intern's conversation was hushed, but they also could have shouted at each other because Derek wouldn't have heard them.

He was concentrating on watching the elevators.

He even got onto his tiptoes as there was a faint 'ding' announcing its arrival... but it was just one of Burke's nurses leaving the lift.

Where was Addison?

Addison felt Burke's eyes on her. If she had looked up, she could have seen how concerned he was for her. But she didn't. Because there wouldn't be only concern in his eyes, there would also be pity.

Concern for a woman who had fought too much in one day and was just barely standing on her own two feet, suffering from several injuries which wouldn't stop bleeding and sprains that made her eyes brimming with tears.

And pity for the same woman who was known as Satan in these halls; a woman who loved her husband enough to save his mistress even if the price was her life.

Addison preferred to not be pitied. She had had enough of that back in New York, thank you very much.

She knew Burke was asking himself why someone would do what she had done.

The answer was simple and yet people seldom understood its whole magnitude. So Addison had stopped to explain a long time ago.

Only as their elevator came to a halt, Addison met his eyes and signaled him that no, she didn't need his help. She could do this on her own. She could walk out of this damn elevator on her own two feet. And she would.

A crowd had formed in front of the elevator, waiting eagerly for their heroes to come.

As the lift's doors opened and Addison and Burke stepped out, people started clapping.

On another day, Addie probably would have been moved by this gesture but right now her task on hand was to make it through the crowd without falling or hissing in pain.

However, her injuries took the better of her and she would have tumbled down, if...

If someone hadn't caught her just in time.

A familiar scent enveloped her, strong arms held her up and his body shielded her; protected her from everybody's curious glances.

Addison tried to look up, but couldn't as his face was hidden in her hair.

She leaned into him, let him support her weight and could feel him shaking.

Was he... was he crying?

"I... I thought I lost you today, Addie.", he murmured.

"Derek.", she sighed, feeling at a loss. Back in New York, she would have known how to react to such an outburst of emotion in public, but a lot had changed since then. They had changed.

Still, she decided to just go with it and pressed a chaste kiss to the spot between his neck and shoulder.

"People keep telling me my wife is brilliant.", he said and brought a bit space between them so he could lean his forehead against hers, "But this was just stupid. Promise me to never do that again, will you?"

She nodded and he kissed the tip of her nose.

"Come on, let's get you checked out. Can you walk?"

Even though her answer was yes, Derek ended up carrying most of her weight as they made their way over to an empty patients room.

Showering seemed to be a rather painful experience for her as Derek discovered rather fast.

Addison didn't make a sound, she just leaned against the tiles, eyes closed, biting down onto her lip and let him wash dust, soot and blood off of her whereas he himself became wet in the process.

He found clean scrubs somewhere and made her put them on before he left with the words:

"I gonna go get changed. Stay right where you are. I'll be back in no time."

In the attending's lounge, he put on his own clothes, while dialing a number he had deleted almost a year ago.

For a moment there was nothing than constant ringing.

Then:

"_...Derek? Man, is that really you?"_

"Yeah, Mark.", he said, not very friendly, "It's me."

"_Well, that certainly is a surprise. I thought you'd make sure to forget that I even exist."_

"I tried to. Didn't work. Besides, you owe me."

Mark didn't answer, but there was no need to. Both men knew Derek's statement was true.

"A little bird told me you'd come down to Seattle for a 'surprise visit'."

"_Gotta kill Nancy."_, Mark mumbled, _"I can explain..."_

"I don't care. Where are you?"

"_Seattle."_

"Then I need you to come to Seattle Grace Hospital."

"_Wait... what? Isn't that the place where the bomb went off?"_

"Yes. Listen. Addie's injured."

"_Oh my... Is she okay?"_

"She's... alive. She was close to the bomb when it exploded. And I really don't need her to have long-time, physical reminders of today's events."

"_I'll be there in 10."_

Derek ended his examination just as Mark walked in.

Addison was still in shock, otherwise her only reaction to her ex-lover's appearance wouldn't have been a whispered: "Mark...", before she interwove her fingers with her husband's.

"Hey, Red.", the plastic surgeon said, "You gonna be pretty again in no time. Promise."

As Mark gave her a local anesthesia, Addison hid her face in Derek's shoulder. She had never been a big fan of needles when they were used on her.

Back in New York, Mark would have tried to flirt with her while he was stitching up a rather nasty cut on her shin.

But what happened in Big Apple was past and Addison made clear that there wasn't a chance for them in the future.

The month after her departure, Mark had come to the rather painful conclusion that she was right.

And seeing both his best friends interacting subconsciously – her hiding her face in his shoulder and him rubbing her back soothingly – he knew that his conclusion was right.

Even if he had a place in Addison's heart, he would never claim it. She had given it to Derek a long time ago.

And as Mark finished stitching up her worst cuts, he suddenly hoped Derek knew how precious it was and would make sure to never break it again.

The plastic surgeon backed away and smiled satisfied. "This is what I call a masterpiece."

Addison half-smiled at him. "Thank you."

Derek just nodded, but Mark could see gratitude shining in his eyes, as he watched the Shepherds leave.

Addison was sitting on their bed in the trailer, watching and then again not really watching TV, as Derek entered the room, two cups of JuJu in hand.

"They claim you a heroine, you knew that?"

No reaction from her part.

"To me, you certainly are. Even though I think it was stupid. Still, most people wouldn't have done what you did."

Again, no reaction.

Derek sighed and put the cups on his nightstand before he sat down behind her and tugged her closer.

She stiffed as his chest brushed her back.

"Addie. Say something. Anything. Please."

She relaxed and turned her head a bit so she could look up, right into his eyes.

They reminded her of the ocean on a sunny day. Pale blue, peaceful.

When was the last time he had had that look around her?

In another life, she decided, a happier one.

"When... When I was in this OR, I couldn't remember. Still can't. I was touching that bomb and all I could think about was I'm going to die today and I can't remember the last time you told me you loved me. Which is pathetic, I know, but I want to be able to remember the last time we were together and in love."

For a moment, he closed his eyes. Then he said: "It was a hectic day, back in New York. There had been a multiple pile-up, we both were in and out of surgeries the entire day. Around noon, I was watching you operate. It was only a simple c-section, but still... I've always enjoyed seeing you working. As you were scrubbing out, I came in and you asked if I hadn't had to be somewhere important. And I said, no, I'm right where I have to be. Then, I kissed you. Like this."

He caught her lips in a soft kiss. "But your pager went off and I had to let you go.

You were already halfway down the floor when I called your name and told you I loved you.

You turned back to me, smiled and said, me too.

That... was the last time."

"You think... You think it will remain the last time or do you think you'll love me again like you did back then? Because even if you're referring to me as Satan, I'm only human, Derek. I can only take so much. So if you just took me back because you wanted to be the good guy... then tell me."

"Addie, what are you..." Realization dawned on him. "Wait – was that they reason why you decided to play hero? Because you thought I didn't love you anymore?"

She moved out of his embrace and sighed, suddenly tired.

"You didn't give me a reason to believe otherwise, did you? Meredith was always nearby, even though you chose me. You clearly have feelings for her and I respect that you think what the two of you had was real. And today, she was touching a bomb. She could have died. You would have never gotten over her death; there would always have been a 'what if'. But if I had died..."

"Don't.", Derek said, shaking his head, reaching for her. "I'm sorry for flaunting Meredith around. I really am. But in the end, she was just a girl in a bar and whatever it was that I felt for her... it will never come close to what I feel for you. Someone brilliant once said that there where three ways to deal with us, except she didn't know what the third option was. She chose it anyway."

Addison smiled the sad smile he had seen so often in the last year in New York.

"I remember saying that I just knew I still loved you."

"Yeah, but you weren't the only one choosing that option – I did, too, when I picked you. I didn't do it because I wanted to be the good guy, at least not entirely. I chose you because I love you. I know, I hadn't had a good way to show that, but if you can forgive me, I'll show you how much I love you for the rest of our lives. You and me, Addie. From everyday until eternity."

_Life is finite._

_So don't waste precious time waiting for tomorrow to solve your problems._

_Stop dwelling on yesterday's mistakes._

_Embrace today. _

_There are 1440 minutes with the ability to become the best moments of your life._

_Use them, because in the blink of an eye, it all could be gone..._

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**Author's Note: The end is near - one more chapter to go.**


	4. Not The Rain Kind Of Girl

**Author's Note: The Song is "Our's to keep" by Kina Grannis**

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**Not The Rain Kind Of Girl**

_ I wish there was a way_

_ That we could somehow stay_

_ In this perfect moment in time_

Sometimes, he thought she was an angel, sent by God to save him and only him. When he entered the cafeteria, and saw her sitting near the window, watching the rain; her red hair cascading down her back in soft waves, the thought crossed Derek's mind again. Addison turned around when she heard someone coming near and smiled, as Derek sat down next to her. But the smile never quite reached her eyes. "Judging from the looks Cristina Yang sent me during our OP, I think she's planning to kill me.", he said while stealing her coffee. Addison laughed. "Yang always looks like she wants to kill somebody. But well, you were the one who broke her best friend's heart, so... let's just say I'm glad my interns started to like me." "Speaking of interns – are you free? Because the board says Stevens is having the night-shift." "You see, I'm off technically. But an hour ago I had to do an emergency c-section and now there is a preemie without a mother in the NICU in a critical condition. I might need to operate, so I decided to stay. But you should go home and sleep more than 5 hours." Derek shook his head."I haven't seen you the entire day. I want to spend time with you, even if it's just hanging around in the cafeteria. After all, us not spending time together was one of the reasons that drove us apart. So, I'm staying with you." "You're sweet.", she stood up, "And I really appreciate it, but you do look like you're going to fall asleep any minute. Come on. Let's go search for an on-call-room."

As it turned out, all on-call-rooms were already occupied, so they ended up on a gurney near NICU. Neither of them minded it, as they had often spend their intern-nights on a gurney in a crowded hospital in New York. Using her lap as a pillow, Derek was asleep in under five minutes. Addison knew she wouldn't be able to fall asleep, so she leaned her back against the wall and combed his hair with her hand. To Derek, it felt like it was only seconds later when a pager went off and in the foggy state between awakening and staying asleep, he could hear his wife's voice from somewhere above him. "It's mine, honey. The preemie is coding. I need to go. But you just stay here and sleep." He followed her anyway and as she scrubbed in, Derek went to the gallery, intent on watching her.

Being a Forbes-Montgomery, Addison had been raised to never look anything less than graceful – even if she was doing risky procedures in order to save a tiny person's life. The second thing one learned when being brought up by Bizzy and the Captain was to never show your feelings in public. Smile, even if the world comes crashing down around you. So there was no emotion in Addison's voice when she lost the fight for the preemie's life. "Time of Death.", she said, shedding her lucky scrub-cap that didn't seem to be a lucky charm after all, "01.25 a.m." Addie left the OR and started to scrub out mechanically, her eyes never leaving the babie's lifeless form, not even when she felt Derek coming up behind her. Despite acting all put-together and WASPy when needed, Addison never had a thick skin. She got easily attached, and that was more often a weakness than a gift. As he reached for her, she tried to fight him but he just grasped her arms until she stopped struggling. "Addie.", he coaxed. "Look at me." She shook her head. "I can't take it, Derek.", she murmured, "I just... can't, not anymore." Tears were brimming in her eyes as she eventually looked up and she was breathing shallow as she said: "We're, we're supposed to help people! We became Doctors to save lives, not to take them in our ORs. And I've performed this surgery about 50 times, but the baby... it died anyway and, and it wasn't supposed to – it should have had the chance to grow up, to go to school, college, get married, become a lawyer. But it died just like so many people around us." He hugged her close and let her sob into his shoulder; whispering sweet nothings into her ear, wishing he could somehow make it all better.

"Derek, where are we heading?" "To the airport." She rolled her eyes. "I figured as much as you woke me up _in the middle of the night_ to tell me to pack my suitcase." "We're going on a vacation." "But it's like the busiest time in the year and... oh. You're whisking me away because of my breakdown yesterday, don't you?" "In a matter of fact – yes." Addison half-smiled. "I had a 48- hour- shift yesterday. I would have only needed a few hours of sleep." Derek paid the cab driver and took their suitcases before he kissed her. "Let me do this for you, okay? For us." She nodded and followed him into the airport.

**Day One**

"Addie! Derek!", someone yelled once they emerged the LAX. Addison looked around and saw her best friend rushing towards her. "Oh my God! Nae?" The other woman hugged her. "Addison Shepherd, I haven't seen you in ages – how have you guys been?" She let go of Addison and hugged Derek. Addie smiled tenderly at her husband and mouthed Thank you, because really, a vacation in sunny L.A. was just what she needed. On the way to Naomi's house, Addison learned that two of her best friends since med school had just gotten divorced. Looking at Derek she saw that he was just as surprised as she. Just like his wife, he always thought Naomi and Sam would last for ever and ever. Suddenly, Derek was glad that he and Addison realized what they were doing to their marriage before it could fall apart entirely. But they weren't in the greatest place either and it would take time to become the AddisonandDerek they once were, again. Time he was willing to put in. Starting today. "... We're in a good place, Sam and I. And Maya. It took her awhile to adjust, but now she thinks it's great to have two wardrobes and a weekend-residence on the beach.", Naomi said, watching Addison and Derek through the mirror, "But it's good to know that not everything is changing. The two of you are as sickeningly sweet as ever." She stopped right in front of her house, where Maya was already sitting on the front steps, no doubt waiting for her godparents.

**Day Three**

L.A. suits her, Derek thought as he was watching his wife and their goddaughter chasing each other through the waves. He seldom had seen Addison so carefree in the last years. Naomi, who was sitting next to him, closed her book. After a glance in the direction of her daughter and her best friend, reassuring herself that both of them were occupied with splashing water, she said: "Now. What's really going on? Addie and I might not have seen each other in a long time, but we do speak occasionally. And the last time she called she was in New York, crying, telling me you left her. You and I know Addison rarely cries and she wouldn't say something like this if she didn't believe it. But almost a year later, the both of you are here. Together." Derek sighed. "I left her, in more than one ways. And it was the most stupid thing I have ever done. First, I left her emotionally and she slept with Mark." Naomi's eyes went wide, but before she could say anything, Derek held up is hand and continued. "I caught them. And then I left her physically and moved to Seattle. I picked up a girl in a bar, an intern working in the same hospital as we do, and told myself I had fallen in love with her. But you know Addie – she never backs down from a fight. So, she came to Seattle. I really didn't want her there and I showed that, I called her names, but she stayed. She stayed through it all, until one day there was a guy who shot himself with a bazooka and had live ammo in his body. And Addie... well, she switched places with the intern who was stancing his bleeding with her hand. Because she would do anything if it means that in the long run, I am happy. It took me a bomb to realize how much I still love her, Naomi. And I'm trying to make it up to her everyday, because Addison is one in a million. She deserves everything I promised her when we got married and more." Naomi smiled gently. "You two really do last forever and ever. Just make sure you won't ever hurt her again." "I hope so." Derek said, his eyes glued at Addison who was emerging the water, "I hope so."

**Day Five**

"So, this is your practice.", Addison said, looking around the lobby of Oceanside Wellness. "Nah, mine's just 52 % of it. The rest is Sam's. Come one, I'll show you around as long as Derek and Sam discuss that patient who may or may not need neurological treatment." They were just about to walk down the floor in the direction of the birthing suite, as the elevator's door opened and a guy looking pretty exhausted entered the lobby. Naomi smiled at him, saying: "Ah, Cooper. Addison, this is Cooper Freedman, our pediatrician." As both doctors shook hands, Naomi raised an eyebrow. "Uhm, Coop... why do you look like you've just run a marathon?" "Well, that's a long story... my car might have gotten stolen?" Naomi sighed. "Told ya to not trust a woman that calls herself SexyBoobs316." Cooper shrugged. "I thought we had a connection. And now I'm afraid I have to leave you ladies, because my patients are already waiting. It was a pleasure to meet you, Addison." As they watched him walk away, Addison asked: "Do I want to know what that was about?" Naomi shook her head. "Trust me, you don't. "

On their way to the offices, the receptionist crossed their paths, escorting one of Naomi's patients to the elevator. Dell Parker, if Addison remembered correctly. He smiled sweetly at Naomi as he walked by. Addie grinned. "What?" "Nothing, just... that boy has a thing for you." "Addie..." "No, seriously." "He's only interested in my field. Not in me." "If you think so..." "Stop it, Addison.", Naomi said and came to a halt in front of a glass door. After knocking, she opened it. "Hi, Pete. Do you have a minute? I just wanted to introduce you to my friend from med school, Addison Shepherd. Addie, this is Pete Wilder, our naturopathic doctor." "So... you are the quack?" Pete stood and smirked. "I did go to medical school. And I'm a licensed herbalist. I also went to China to study alternative medicine." "Like I said: quack." "You know, I don't have patients until 12.30 – so why don't you come in so I can show you I'm not a quack?" "Pete.", Naomi warned, "Stop it. We don't need an encounter similar to the one with our last OB/GYN. Besides, she's married." Pete grinned and held up some needles. "I meant acupuncture." "Oh well.", Addison said, "I rather not have you sticking needles into my face. But thank you for offering." "Whenever you want to try it – you know where to find me." "And this is our clue to leave.", Naomi took Addison's arm, "I have a patient. And Derek and Sam should have finished talking by now."

As it turned out, Derek and Sam still hadn't left the office. So Addison settled for leaning against the reception desk and waiting for her husband, next to a woman with curly hair who was flat out staring at Derek. The woman turned a little – and jumped as she saw Addie standing next to her. "Oh, you scared me. Wait... you're Derek Shepherd's wife, right? Addison Montgomery-Shepherd, one of the doctors operating that guy with live ammo in his body. I saw it on the news. But aren't you a neonatal surgeon?" "Yes, uh..." "Oh, sorry. I'm Violet Turner, the psychatrist of Oceanside Wellness. Naomi told me you are her best friend since med school, after that blow up was on the news. She said she thought she knew you pretty good – but she just wouldn't understand why you would risk your life for a patient that wasn't even yours." Addison sighed. "That's a long and sad story. And I'm not very talkative." Violet smiled. "You know, I think you should talk to Naomi anyway. It would help both of you." Derek and Sam chose that moment to end their conversation and emerge from the office. Addison waved, before she turned to Violet and said: "I'll think about it. It was nice to meet you, Dr. Turner."

**Day Eight**

Derek, Addison and everyone from the practice was gathered at Sam's, having a farewell barbecue as Addison and Derek would leave tomorrow. Derek had to admit – the people from the practice were easy to talk to, easy to like. They were so very L.A., not carrying their emotinal package everywhere, they were just... enjoying life. He knew this was what he would miss, once Addie and he would go back to rainy Seattle. Derek excused himself from the conversation he, Pete and Cooper just had and went down to the beach, where Addison stood, staring at something. She had been standing on the same spot, staring for the past 10 minutes. "Hey.", he said as he approached her, "What are you doing, standing here alone?" "I was just... thinking.", Addison answered slowly, nodding at the house next to Sam with the big SALE sign on the patio. "I don't want to head back to Seattle tomorrow. It's raining there, almost every day and people keep dying in my OR. But since we're here, I haven't seen one raindrop. Babies get born in a nice birthing suite in Naomi's practice and don't die on the OB/GYN. Can't we just stay a little longer?" He hugged her close and looked down onto her tanned face. She had never been the rain kind of girl, which was the main reason why he had chosen Seattle. The only other reason had been Richard's offer and while he liked working at Seattle Grace, he enjoyed that no one had called him McDreamy in eight days. He enjoyed that his marriage for once wasn't anybodys concern but his' and Addisons. He thought that maybe this was what their relationship needed. A new beginning, a fresh start away from the cities they had made so many mistakes in. Maybe it was finally time to let the dreams they dreamed for so many years come true.

_So let's love like it's ours to keep_

_ Love like we've always dreamed _

_And maybe this time _

_The fates will be kind to us _

_So let's love like it's ours to keep_

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**So that's it. Love the ending? Hate it?**


	5. Epilogue: A beautiful friendship

**Author's Note: _Addeklover_ and _alterus_ had some suggestions for an epilogue, so... here you go. **

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**Epilogue: A beautiful friendship**

_Dear Mark- _

_There are a million things I could tell you about living in Los Angeles. Like how much I love to wake up to the sound of waves. Or how great it is to work in a practice where I seldom help more than two babies in one day into this world. I also could tell you that we're taking long walks on the beach and that I've become rather Zen. But I won't, because all of that isn't really important. The one important thing is that Derek and I are happier than we have been in a long time. Still, there is something missing. Or rather, someone. You. I miss you, Mark. And I know Derek is missing you, too, even if he won't admit it. You have been his brother for half his life; his best friend since childhood. I know it's my fault that this friendship fell apart because I let you love me, but I do think that the two of you can rekindle what you have lost, if you would come to L.A., Mark. Also, I think it's time to meet someone very special to me and Derek. Her name is Adrienne Lucia Montgomery-Shepherd and she's your goddaughter. You see, Derek kept the promise you let him make on our wedding. "I get to be your first child's godfather.", isn't that what you said? I know it's not fair after I aborted our baby, Mark, but please... Adrienne's birthday will be in two weeks and she deserves to meet you. To me, you're still part of the family and I know Derek thinks likewise as he's the one telling our daughter about all the adventures he and Uncle Marky had._

_ -Addison_

He has been sitting in his car for half an hour now, reading and re-reading her letter. Mark still believed that it wasn't his brightest idea to board the plane, but... oh well. He had a soft spot for Addison, even after the disaster in New York. It was not like he was still in love with her; he had gotten over that a long time ago. But she had always been important to him, a part of his makeshift family, just like Derek. It was time for a reunion of this family, and not only in Addison's mind. He had to admit, he was a little afraid of Derek's reaction. Not that he didn't trust Addison's judgement of her husband's feelings towards his estranged best friend, he was just a little anxious. It had been two years since he had seen the Shepherds in Seattle, almost three since New York. Three years for everything to calm down, to forgive and forget. Mark sighed. It couldn't be that hard, could it? The worst thing that could happen was Derek getting angry. He could deal with that. The plastic surgeon folded Addison's letter neatly and tucked it into his pocket. Taking a deep breath, he left the car and went over to Addison's and Derek's beachhouse. He took his sweet time knocking on their door. Inside, he could hear shuffeling before it got thrown open. Mark came face to face with Derek. His best friend since childhood was definitly surprised; so surprised that he couldn't say anything at all for a few seconds. Finally, he smiled and gave Mark a manly hug, saying: "Took you long enough to show up." Across Derek's shoulder Mark could see Addison leaning against the living room's door frame, eyes sparkeling in pure joy and gracing him with a full blown smile. Attached to her hip was a little girl with curly red hair, showing off the same dreamy smile that had given her father his nickname and looking at him with her mother's mysterious eyes; just like she knew that with her estranged godfather showing up her family was complete again.

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**Now this is _seriously _the end. Thanks to all of you who sticked with Addek through this journey and took the time to review. **


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